Cala's Poetry Corner

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Re: Cala's Poetry Corner

Postby Lord Tuvitor » Wed Jan 02, 2013 10:48 pm

I just read "Fire". Wow.

Some things that many would say that words cannot express--somehow you manage to anyways. With English of all the languages!

Poetry is the art of painting a picture with words. A picture is worth 'a thousand words' but good poetry is worth even more.

You were born to do this.
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Re: Cala's Poetry Corner

Postby Calandria » Sat Jan 05, 2013 7:22 pm

Thank you [face_blush]

Writing poetry in English actually comes more naturally for me than in French or German. For some reason I have a better feeling as to what the words can and cannot do. How far I can push them and how many nuances will work with them. Something I'm struggling with in other languages.
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Re: Cala's Poetry Corner

Postby The Count » Fri Jan 11, 2013 6:37 pm

Which is your native language?
You fire your musket, but I'll run you through.

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Re: Cala's Poetry Corner

Postby Calandria » Fri Jan 11, 2013 7:00 pm

Swiss German with French coming in close second. But English is the language I love the most.
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Re: Cala's Poetry Corner

Postby Calandria » Sun Jan 13, 2013 8:23 pm

The Watcher of the Lake

A watcher, silent and forgotten
smoke curls in faint wisps
mirror calm black water
- unfathomable depth
and cold.

Her hair hides her face
as she contemplates - life?
The rhythmic sound of wheels
- of dreams rushing past -
cannot disturb her.

Does she know?
The sound of dreams.
The taste of hope.
The feel of eternity.

Does she understand?
the finite, endless depth of the lake.
Will she be a headline in the newspapers?
Or will she be gone
seconds after my passing?

The watcher - snow now falls -
still remains.
The water black and cold
out of reach, at the tip of her fingers
cold smoke from a forgotten cigarette
drifting to the cold winter sky.






Written: 12.01.2013 on train from Zürich main station to Landquart.
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Re: Cala's Poetry Corner

Postby Emperor's Prize » Sat Jan 26, 2013 2:34 pm

Epic.

Love the visuals, the mood, the subtle brush-strokes "snow now falls" ... there's a wonderful melancholy here that is very compelling.
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Re: Cala's Poetry Corner

Postby Calandria » Sun Jan 27, 2013 6:45 pm

Thank's EP!

I wasn't too sure about it to be honest. It still feels very raw and unfinished to me, but couldn't see how it might be changed. Any attempts I made just made it seem even worse, or too polished. And too polished somehow doesn't fit.

But I loved the image of the young woman sitting by the black stillness of a cold mountain lake, underneath a cold gray sky and couldn't resist trying to place it on paper. I saw her only for an instant looking out the train window and was mesmerized.
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Re: Cala's Poetry Corner

Postby Calandria » Thu Apr 04, 2013 7:11 pm

Waking Eyes

I live
I dream
a haze of thoughts
a place far away
hidden
veiled by the mists
of time unraveled
am I?
silk under my fingertips
tiny steps and hesitation
shy and smiles
a rising sun
a setting moon
a dream with waking eyes
clear skies
over cloud shrouded mountain
alone
in a crowd of blank visages
and yet...
I do not want to wake
to a reality of broken dreams
of narrow living
and hurried paces
I do not want to wake
to the reality of being me
in the mask of being another
can I not simply be
me?





Author's note: waking from a dream of places I've visited in Japan to a case of work caused insomnia
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Re: Cala's Poetry Corner

Postby Calandria » Thu Apr 04, 2013 7:18 pm

Alone

In cold we live
Like stars
Distant from one another

In cold we die
Alone
In those last instants

In cold we mourn
Bound
Hopeful for just an instant of warmth
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Re: Cala's Poetry Corner

Postby soxtalon » Thu Apr 04, 2013 8:43 pm

:( Sad - evocative though and moving...
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Re: Cala's Poetry Corner

Postby Calandria » Sat Apr 06, 2013 5:41 am

Probably not my most cheerful contribution. But probably nothing I could have written these past months would have been cheerful. More like depressing and sad and a hair's breath from suicide. /:)
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Re: Cala's Poetry Corner

Postby Emperor's Prize » Sun Apr 07, 2013 3:35 am

Hmmm ... I've been there, for sure. I have a poem, titled "Into The Lost" that feel very similar to this one. Though, yours does it more more directly and succinctly.
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Re: Cala's Poetry Corner

Postby The Count » Mon Apr 15, 2013 1:14 pm

Calandria wrote:Thank's EP!

I wasn't too sure about it to be honest. It still feels very raw and unfinished to me, but couldn't see how it might be changed. Any attempts I made just made it seem even worse, or too polished. And too polished somehow doesn't fit.

But I loved the image of the young woman sitting by the black stillness of a cold mountain lake, underneath a cold gray sky and couldn't resist trying to place it on paper. I saw her only for an instant looking out the train window and was mesmerized.


My thoughts on "The Watcher of the Lake":

The first stanza is a bit confusing grammatically. It seems to be implied by he punctuation that the smoke is the watcher. Also, he conjugation of "mirror" confuses me because it refers to a plural subject, but there are only single objects--smoke, watcher (if hey aren't the same thing)--unless the subject is he "wisps," but there's no punctuation to link them.

The punctuation seems at odds with the natural rhythm in the other stanzas because the question marks place a full stop in the middle of an idea. In my reading, I wanted to skip right over it, as the qualifiers of the question seemed much mor necessary than the setup itself.

Just my opinion.

"Alone" was interesting because it takes stars away from their place as positive metaphors and symbols by putting the reader in its existence. Usually, we Earthlings assume stars are closer to divinity because of their spatial positions, but the poem reminds us of a star's astronomical loneliness. Since there's no mention of novas or anything creative (by that I mean "of creation" a la the Big Bang), its pretty scientific and almost nihilistic
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